World leaders: Everything will be fixed next Wednesday

'Just wait a few more days' say Heads of State

Grinan Barrett
La Lune de la presse internationale

BERLIN, GERMANY

World leaders who gathered for an emergency summit on Thursday announced at a press conference this afternoon that they intended to fix everything next Wednesday. The growing list of financial, political, social and environmental problems around the world will be taken care of "in a few more days," they said, but they asked people to "be patient" and not expect anything too exciting this weekend.

"We urge people to remain calm and allow more time," said French Foreign Minister Destin Toulouse. "Next Wednesday we will find the solutions necessary, so by Thursday everyone can have the day off. Just wait a few more days please. And don't break the statues."

Despite the growing unrest apparent in Greek riots and the Occupy Wall Street movement in the United States, leaders have remained calm by insisting that next Wednesday will provide the solution to the multitude of seemingly-impossible problems that have so far proved daunting for individual governments.

When La Rochelle Times reporters pressed for more details they were quickly rounded up and whisked away to an undisclosed location. Authorities have released a statement explaining that they also intend to find a solution to the journalists' situation next Wednesday.