Extraterrestrial civilisation offended by human numerical designation

Alex Terrieur
La Lune de la presse internationale

XYRLOR, PEGASUS CLUSTER

A highly sophisticated, organized, and advanced alien civilization issued a statement of protest Wednesday after learning of humanity's insignificant and meaningless designation of their home planet. Recently discovered by NASA and European astronomers, the planet was named EP1092384-2007, which as a result profaned the highly developed world which has existed in peace with other forms of life for nearly eight million years.

"We cannot believe the lowly human colony would dare to mock us with such an insignificant numerical characterisation," read the statement beamed to Earth via a faster-than-light ion transmitter on EP1092384-2007, known also as Xyrlor. "We pity the unfortunate souls who inhabit such a minuscule, retrograde planet with, and we are laughing now, inferior carbon-based DNA life forms." The statement was received in binary code and written in perfectly correct English, which NASA sources also declared had become the official language of interplanetary communication.

The nano-silicon lifeforms that inhabit Xyrlor can live up to 45,000 years and use electromagnetic signals to establish self-awareness in their closed-circuit membranes. Their extensive galactic empire reveals an advanced knowledge of quantum theories and propulsion systems, and includes dozens of extrasolar colonies. The derogatory numerical code assigned to the home planet risks infuriating the alien race, reducing any chance of future harmony between humans and other nearby extraterrestrial lifeforms.

NASA scientists declined to comment on this exclusive La Rochelle Times story. However one official stated on condition of anonimity that NASA will take care in the future to respect galactic pecking orders when giving future names to newly-discovered planets, in order to avoid angering more powerful and advanced extraterrestrial civilizations.